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• #1607 Up↑ +62/68 Down↓ [Report] 2011-01-10 18:26 EST

  // Mr. Citron is discussing how he survived a night in jail without getting beat up by diagnosing his cell mates with illnesses
  Mr. Citron: So guys, the moral of the story is, always know how to diagnose things!
  Student: Or just don't get arrested.

  Tags: citron diagnosing jail medical.diagnosis

• #1538 Up↑ +45/51 Down↓ [Report] 2010-12-06 22:39 EST

  Dr. Akintunde: Who here has been constipated?
  Class: (silence)
  Dr. A: (raises hand) I have.

  Tags: akintunde medical.diagnosis

• #1139 Up↑ +31/33 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-14 11:11 EDT

  // After discussing metabolism
  Mr. Citron: That is, in your vernacular, mad whack ridiculous out of control!

  Tags: citron medical.diagnosis

• #1137 Up↑ +20/38 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:54 EDT

  // Discussing a video on heart attacks in which the victim is English
  Mr. Citron: The English, of course, have a terrible diet. Come on, fish and chips?! Full of fat and LDL.
  Mr. Citron: No wonder they're no longer a world power.

  Tags: citron medical.diagnosis

• #1136 Up↑ +53/59 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:52 EDT

  // Class is distracted by bug on the floor
  Mr. Citron: Is that a roach?! Let's staple it!

  Tags: citron medical.diagnosis

• #1135 Up↑ +75/79 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:52 EDT

  // Discussing a chart of accident statistics in which men have nearly double the accidents as women
  Mr. Citron: As you can see, men clearly like to die. Females seem to think that's stupid.

  Tags: accidents citron medical.diagnosis

• #1134 Up↑ +29/31 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:51 EDT

  // After drawing a diagram of a nose with arrows pointing into the nostrils
  Student: Is he snorting coke?
  Mr. Citron: Yes, he's snorting coke. I can see my drug talk didn't get through to you.

  Tags: citron coke drugs medical.diagnosis

• #1132 Up↑ +85/89 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:49 EDT

  Mr. Citron: I'm a macho sort of guy, you know, the one everyone's afraid of, but when it comes to dogs, something happens...
  Mr. Citron: If I'm late to school, it's because I found a really cute dog I had to pet.

  Tags: citron dogs medical.diagnosis

• #1088 Up↑ +62/66 Down↓ [Report] 2010-03-16 22:32 EDT

  // After discussing curling
  Citron: Curling is so not a sport!
  Student: Yes it is! It requires all these mathematical equations and planning...
  Citron: Please, I can make a sport right now. *picks up Hamlet book* It's called booking. *throws book onto bio text book* Yay, I covered the monkey! Score!

  Tags: citron curling medical.diagnosis

• #1068 Up↑ +162/172 Down↓ [Report] 2010-03-10 22:53 EST

  Mr. Citron: I don't get why girls like high heels so much. They look like ducks which is not attractive at all, unless of course, you like ducks, which means you like sheep, which means you have syphilis.

  Tags: citron medical.diagnosis

• #1067 Up↑ +48/52 Down↓ [Report] 2010-03-10 22:52 EST

  Mr. Citron: Now if your car is moving at a low velocity and is a smaller size...
  *uses Hamlet as small car*
  Mr. Citron: ...and hits a bigger car...
  *hits Hamlet into Biology textbook*
  Mr. Citron: then there will be significant injury.
  Mr. Citron: Biology always beats English.

  Tags: citron english.biology medical.diagnosis

• #244 Up↑ +12/26 Down↓ [Report] 2008-12-03 22:41 EST

  Dr. Akintunde: Can anyone guess what is hemoglobinuria?
  *Dr. A writes it on the board*
  Dr. Akintunde: What is hemoglobin? What is -uria?
  Girl: Hemoglobin in urine?
  Dr. Akintunde: Yes, and the urine appears red. Can anyone guess what is hematuria?
  Boy: Hemoglobin in turd?

  Notes: hematuria = presence of red blood cells in urine

  Tags: akintunde medical.diagnosis

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