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#1607 Up↑ +62/68 Down↓ [Report] 2011-01-10 18:26 EST

// Mr. Citron is discussing how he survived a night in jail without getting beat up by diagnosing his cell mates with illnesses
Mr. Citron: So guys, the moral of the story is, always know how to diagnose things!
Student: Or just don't get arrested.

Tags: citron diagnosing jail medical.diagnosis
#1435 Up↑ +59/69 Down↓ [Report] 2010-10-01 01:08 EDT

Mr. Citron: You know what disease they don't get in China?
Steven Ng: Yellow fever.

Notes: The answer was heart disease, since their diet is lower in fats.

Tags: asian citron human.diseases steven.ng
#1432 Up↑ +36/38 Down↓ [Report] 2010-10-01 01:04 EDT

// Steven Ng brings up the symptoms of a disease.
Steven: I don't know what it is, but it's like the white blood cells attack the hair follicles.
Mr. Citron: Oh yeah! That's uh...
*pauses*
Mr. Citron: That's not what I have. Good one.

Tags: citron hair human.diseases steven.ng
#1429 Up↑ +42/48 Down↓ [Report] 2010-10-01 00:58 EDT

Mr. Citron: Now don't go wild with this information but...
Mr. Citron: 70% of you will NEVER get syphilis! Of 30% of you who get syphilis, only 3% of you will get tertiary or last stage syphilis!
Mr. Citron: ...PARTY ON!

Tags: citron human.diseases syphilis
#1420 Up↑ +29/37 Down↓ [Report] 2010-09-27 13:22 EDT

// A female student is being pestered by a male student in Citron's Medical Diagnosis class
Citron: Excuse me, [female student's name], but I believe I am the teacher of this class...
Citron: I also consider myself the captain of the class. As a captain, I have the power to marry two people if they so wish
Citron: Just come to my office later with a permission note from your parents allowing the two of you to be married.

Tags: citron
#1139 Up↑ +31/33 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-14 11:11 EDT

// After discussing metabolism
Mr. Citron: That is, in your vernacular, mad whack ridiculous out of control!

Tags: citron medical.diagnosis
#1137 Up↑ +20/38 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:54 EDT

// Discussing a video on heart attacks in which the victim is English
Mr. Citron: The English, of course, have a terrible diet. Come on, fish and chips?! Full of fat and LDL.
Mr. Citron: No wonder they're no longer a world power.

Tags: citron medical.diagnosis
#1136 Up↑ +53/59 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:52 EDT

// Class is distracted by bug on the floor
Mr. Citron: Is that a roach?! Let's staple it!

Tags: citron medical.diagnosis
#1135 Up↑ +75/79 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:52 EDT

// Discussing a chart of accident statistics in which men have nearly double the accidents as women
Mr. Citron: As you can see, men clearly like to die. Females seem to think that's stupid.

Tags: accidents citron medical.diagnosis
#1134 Up↑ +29/31 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:51 EDT

// After drawing a diagram of a nose with arrows pointing into the nostrils
Student: Is he snorting coke?
Mr. Citron: Yes, he's snorting coke. I can see my drug talk didn't get through to you.

Tags: citron coke drugs medical.diagnosis
#1132 Up↑ +85/89 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:49 EDT

Mr. Citron: I'm a macho sort of guy, you know, the one everyone's afraid of, but when it comes to dogs, something happens...
Mr. Citron: If I'm late to school, it's because I found a really cute dog I had to pet.

Tags: citron dogs medical.diagnosis
#1088 Up↑ +62/66 Down↓ [Report] 2010-03-16 22:32 EDT

// After discussing curling
Citron: Curling is so not a sport!
Student: Yes it is! It requires all these mathematical equations and planning...
Citron: Please, I can make a sport right now. *picks up Hamlet book* It's called booking. *throws book onto bio text book* Yay, I covered the monkey! Score!

Tags: citron curling medical.diagnosis
#1068 Up↑ +162/172 Down↓ [Report] 2010-03-10 22:53 EST

Mr. Citron: I don't get why girls like high heels so much. They look like ducks which is not attractive at all, unless of course, you like ducks, which means you like sheep, which means you have syphilis.

Tags: citron medical.diagnosis
#1067 Up↑ +48/52 Down↓ [Report] 2010-03-10 22:52 EST

Mr. Citron: Now if your car is moving at a low velocity and is a smaller size...
*uses Hamlet as small car*
Mr. Citron: ...and hits a bigger car...
*hits Hamlet into Biology textbook*
Mr. Citron: then there will be significant injury.
Mr. Citron: Biology always beats English.

Tags: citron english.biology medical.diagnosis
#973 Up↑ +88/94 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-20 21:08 EST

Mr Citron: I didn't do anything special for my wedding. We just got the documents signed. It took five minutes. We actually got pizza afterward.
Student: You seriously got pizza after your wedding?
Mr. Citron: Well we had toppings on the pizza…

Tags: citron pizza wedding

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#1607 Up↑ +62/68 Down↓ [Report] 2011-01-10 18:26 EST

#1435 Up↑ +59/69 Down↓ [Report] 2010-10-01 01:08 EDT

#1432 Up↑ +36/38 Down↓ [Report] 2010-10-01 01:04 EDT

#1429 Up↑ +42/48 Down↓ [Report] 2010-10-01 00:58 EDT

#1420 Up↑ +29/37 Down↓ [Report] 2010-09-27 13:22 EDT

#1139 Up↑ +31/33 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-14 11:11 EDT

#1137 Up↑ +20/38 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:54 EDT

#1136 Up↑ +53/59 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:52 EDT

#1135 Up↑ +75/79 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:52 EDT

#1134 Up↑ +29/31 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:51 EDT

#1132 Up↑ +85/89 Down↓ [Report] 2010-04-12 21:49 EDT

#1088 Up↑ +62/66 Down↓ [Report] 2010-03-16 22:32 EDT

#1068 Up↑ +162/172 Down↓ [Report] 2010-03-10 22:53 EST

#1067 Up↑ +48/52 Down↓ [Report] 2010-03-10 22:52 EST

#973 Up↑ +88/94 Down↓ [Report] 2010-01-20 21:08 EST